It’s Not As Simple As That (Bouncing Back)


“Both girls are adjusting and coping, and have been talking to investigators…

There are no words to express how saddening, sobering, and senseless the Bain family tragedy was, in which Jo Ann and Adrienne Bain were murdered, and Alexandria and Kyliyah Bain were kidnapped by Adam Mayes. My prayers have gone out to this family during the search and will continue.

According to the account of investigators’ locating and confronting Adam Mayes, Alexandria and Kyliyah were mere feet away when the perpetrator shot himself to avoid capture. As of this post, it is not known to me if these children witnessed their mother and sister’s murder. What is certain is that these children have been exposed to extremely traumatic experiences during the time of their kidnapping and rescue. The quote at the beginning of this post is information I heard just today as I was driving, and the statement that it made is meant to be reassuring- they are coping and adjusting.

Coping and adjusting begins with the end of a traumatic ordeal. It is done well or it can be done poorly. And while children are resilient, it just isn’t always as simple as that.

Everyone copes differently. That’s true of children and adults. Sometimes they withdraw, or act out. Sometimes they cry and sometimes they are dry-eyed. They often repress it but at the most inconvenient times they relive it.

There are 2 mistakes that could be made in regard to children and trauma- first is to believe that she will never recover. The second is to think she should just bounce back. It’s just not as simple as that.

However, I can leave a simple suggestion- even though she is a child, she can still be the expert on what she needs and when she needs it. Whether it is to be alone or with friends, whether it is to cry or to laugh, whether it is to be lost in thought or lost in a bear hug. Even if you aren’t ready for any of those things. Or even if it seems inappropriate or inconvenient at the time. There is no right time or wrong time- it just isn’t as simple as that. Be Attentive, be Brave, and be Close. Simply stated. But while it isn’t as simple as ABC, it is doable. And I pray the God of strength and peace that you allow Him to guide you through the time of grief, for yourself and the young ones around you.

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